God's Song

Zephaniah 3:15-17 [ESV]

15 The Lord has taken away the judgments against you;
he has cleared away your enemies.
The King of Israel, the Lord, is in your midst;
you shall never again fear evil.
16 On that day it shall be said to Jerusalem:
“Fear not, O Zion;
let not your hands grow weak.
17 The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

When Isaac was born, I held him in my arms, and I sang to him. Ashley took a picture of me, and I had no idea how sad I can look when I am so incredibly happy. Holding this little boy, my son, my beautiful, wonderful son - so fresh and new in the world, looking for all the world like my dead father, born with all his dark hair, resting quiet against my chest - I was filled with wonder and awe and gratefulness.

I sang a song that long ago my father sang to me. It's by Peter, Paul and Mary, called “Day is Done.” It's a song that basically says, I love you little boy, and everything is going to be all right.

As I sang to my son, I thought of my father. I thought of how much he loved me – Bobby R. Brown did everything in his life with incredible passion, whether it was something good or something very bad, and his love for me was no exception. My father loved me so much, and though I think he never really believed he could sing well, his song to me has always been a treasure in my heart.

I think my father sang that song to me because of his own fears and hopes. He hoped that if I would take his hand, I would be all right, but I think it was just as significant to him that he would be all right. That if he could love me, and know that I loved him, then his life would be better.

It breaks my heart to think that I wasn’t enough to heal his madness. I feel sometimes like I failed him. Like I wish that my love for him could have been enough to change him, and help him become sound and whole, and allow him to live. That I could have made his life better when the days were done – not just by easing his pain, but by diminishing his evil.

But how silly – I am not God.

I cannot even do this for myself! I wrestle with my own sick heart, my own broken parts, and I try to put pieces of myself back together, but as long as I am doing this myself, it all keeps falling apart. I don’t expect Isaac to help me with this, any more than I think Dad expected me to solve his depression or alcoholism. The fact that I wish I could have is a silly, boyish dream, kind of like when I used to wish I was Superman and could fly.

We simply cannot do this for each other. We can love each other, and we can hold each other, and cluster together against the darkness – but the world outside of us stays a mess. It doesn’t get better, and all is not well when the day is done. Worse, much worse, the world inside of us isn’t healed by our love for each other either! Instead, our love for each other is infected and distorted by the brokenness inside of us.

So I guess the song “Day is Done” is just a silly, hopeful dream. I can hold Isaac’s hand, but I can’t promise him that “all will be well” at the end of any day, can I? It breaks my heart into shards to think that someday, this beautiful little boy will take up my broken ways of sin. That he too will have to learn to fear evil, and that like his father, and like my father, he will hurt with the pain of being who he never wanted to become.

But what if God sings the song?

The picture in Zephaniah 3:17 is one of the most stunning ones in the Bible. I’m not sure which is more powerful, Jesus weeping, or God singing. Both are amazing pictures of love.

I think about God singing over me like I sang over my son, like my father sang over me. I know the joy in my heart as I sang to Isaac, and I wonder, is that how You feel about me God?

Just imagine the voice that first broke the darkness and spoke light into existence, the voice that continued speaking things into existence until He spoke your life into the world. Now imagine that voice singing to you, singing about you. Imagine strong arms holding you against a chest that contains a passionate heart, while the deep music that created the universe is sung in joy about you!

This is one who can do for us what I could never do for my father, and will probably not be able to do for my son either, what in truth I cannot even do for myself – He can quiet our troubled hearts. All the terror of the world around us just drops away when we are in his presence. All the sorrow and shame of the evil within us is carried away by His love.

He is in our midst! He is mighty to save us! He can help us to have strong hands that do good things, instead of weak hands that do those things that we do without Him in our lives.

And when day is done, it really will be well. When all of the dark, evil days are over, and they are swallowed up by the eternal day of God’s light and love, then all will be well. God can promise that all really will be well when these dark days are done.

I think that God is singing even now. That when I take the time to listen, my fear of darkness and of sin and death are vanquished by the beauty and wonder of His loving song. When I will take the time to try to hear his singing, I find that sin fades in me even now. Even now, before the end of the day, he is making me well.

So my dream for Isaac is not that I will be able to keep him from the brokenness of this dark world. Oh I dream that, and wish for that, but I don’t guess I really believe that. I wish I could keep my son from the sorrow and shame of sin, but I don’t think I have the power to do that.

No, my dream for Isaac is not that he will hear me sing to him and be healed by my love.

My dream for Isaac is that he will hear his true Father sing to him. And perhaps that he will long to sing with God His wonderful love song.